He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
