Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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