I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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