he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
