***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
