I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
