i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
