i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
