he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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