He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
