Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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