He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
