mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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