Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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