big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
