Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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