Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
