I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
