So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
