I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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