Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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