Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize