Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
