Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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