Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
