You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
