Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
