now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
