How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
