Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
