don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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