there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
