If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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