She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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