when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
