Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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