dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
