Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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