oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
