Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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