i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
