i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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