I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
