Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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