Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
