is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
