Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
