There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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