she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
