We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
