i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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