So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
