i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
