Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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