she smelled like a LAN party
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
