You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
