after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
